Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1954 (2485 with footnotes)
Characters: Maggie Lewis (OC), Madeleine Yaxley (OC), Marvola Elfynchyld (OC), Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Evans

Meet me in the library after supper, the note read, and so Maggie did. Madeleine was waiting for her in the large, near-empty room.

"What's the plan?" whispered Maggie.

Madeleine thumped a pile of dusty books down in front of her. "Research," she said succinctly.

"How do we know what we're looking for?" Maggie asked with a sneeze.

"We don't," replied Madeleine. "So we start by brainstorming, just like we do when we're writing."⁽¹⁾

"All right." Maggie took out a blank piece of parchment, and wrote, "Marvola" across the top. "What was her full name, again?"

Madeleine groaned. "Marvola Arwen Raevyn Yvette Salazara Umekiko Elfynchyld. She tells it to everyone she meets."

Maggie wrote, "M.A.R.Y.S.U.E.", and underneath it, "The Vole",⁽²⁾ as they had taken to calling Marvola over the intervening days. "All right, what do we know about her?"

Given the new girl's habit of explaining her life-story to everyone she met in rather startling detail, they knew quite a lot about her background.⁽³⁾ How much of what they knew would be useful in dealing with her was yet to be discovered.

"Well, we know she's You-Know-Who's daughter, for one thing. At least, she says she is. She can't seem to pronounce his name right, though."

Maggie nodded and carefully wrote, "Father: LV" on the parchment. She shivered, as she always did when she thought about the great Dark wizard. "So that must mean she's pure-blood, at least on her father's side, right?"

"I guess so," replied Madeleine. "But what about her mother's side? Half veela and half elf, she says, but I never saw a house-elf that looked anything like her!"⁽⁴⁾

Maggie giggled at that, writing down, "Mother: Veela/Elf". "Maybe you can use that pairing in your next love scene."

Madeleine made a face. "There is no way to make those ugly little beasts sexy."

"Maybe there are other kinds of elves in America." Maggie wrote down, "elf breeds?" and as an afterthought, she added, "raised in America".

"We also know her mother is dead," pointed out Madeleine, clearly enjoying the thought somewhat more than Maggie felt was decent. "So she's not immortal."

"You didn't really mean what you said before, did you?" Maggie asked tentatively. "About killing her, I mean."

"I only meant I'd do whatever it took to deal with her. Whatever is necessary." But she would not meet Maggie's eyes.

"Okay," said Maggie doubtfully. She turned back to the parchment in front of her. "We know she has some sort of special power that makes people act weird when they're around her."⁽⁵⁾

"But only when she knows they're there," Madeleine reminded her. "Like you said."

Maggie nodded and wrote, "projects unconscious (?) magical field".

"I wonder what her range is?" Madeleine pondered, running her finger down the spine of an age-darkened book.

"It can't be far. You recovered as soon as she left the train compartment."

"Hmmm.... Yes. But maybe that was because she got distracted by those boys," she suggested. "She wasn't focussed on me anymore, so her power had no hold."

"The first thing we need to figure out," said Maggie, "is how to avoid falling under her spell. It's not a problem for me, so far, but if we're going to be able to do something about her, you need to be able to get close enough without being affected by her."

"All right," replied Madeleine with a nod. "Protection spells and shield charms all around."

Maggie tapped the books thoughtfully. "It shouldn't be too hard to find an all-purpose protective charm." She wrote, "SHIELD CHARM" in capital letters, then set the parchment aside and reached for a book.

They were able to test their chosen shield charm the following afternoon. It was warm for September, and many of the students were down by the lake, enjoying the still-fine weather.

"Okay," murmured Maggie. "There she is. Let's do this."

She raised her wand and pointed it at Madeleine. "Protegissimo,"⁽⁶⁾ she muttered.

"Right," said Madeleine. "Let's find out how long that lasts."

The two girls strolled as casually as they could manage past where Marvola was sprawled across Remus, sitting in the sunshine with their fellow Gryffindors. Maggie bit her lip and stopped to retie her trainers, while Madeleine stared innocently up into the sky, as if looking for a change in the weather. They waited for the Gryffindors to notice them.

It was Peter who saw them first. "Maddy!" he called, smiling a little uncertainly. He looked utterly dejected and forlorn, sitting a few feet away from his friends, who all had their backs to him.

Madeleine gave him a small smile. "Hullo, Peter," she said.

Marvola turned at the sound of her voice, resting her head on Remus's thigh. Here it comes, thought Maggie.

"OMG MadZ!!!1!!!!" she said, jumping up. "Cum sit with us!!!!!1!!1!! U no the Maudererz?!?!?!!1?!?"

"Slightly," Madeleine admitted, and Maggie let out a sigh of relief. The charm was working.

The boys were not fond of Slytherins as a rule, Peter's example notwithstanding. Madeleine hesitated before taking a seat near the group. Maggie joined her.

"OMG!!!1!!!1!" cried Sirius. "She cant sit with us!1!!!1!1!! She iz a SiLtHeRiAn!!11!!!1! I hate thoz guyz!!!!!1!!!!1"

"OMG!!1!!!!!" Marvola replied. "U hate her?!?!??!!! But she iz my BFF bsidez LilZ!11!!!!! U and her shud totallly get 2gether!!!!!!!1111!! U r both reely HAWT!1!!!!!!! (LOLz she iz not a lezbo or n-e-thing MadZ iz just totallly SEXXXAY!!!1!!!!) U wood hav aMaZiNg HAWT SEXXX!!1!111!!!!"⁽⁷⁾

"U reely think so?!?!?!?" asked Lily Evans, a pretty, red-haired girl, who was currently wrapped up in James.

Marvola nodded. "Totallly!!11!! Siri doznt hav a gf or n-e-thing, doz he?!?!?! Iv got my Remi, and U R with Jamez!!!1!! Siri needz 2 b with sum1!!!!!1!"⁽⁸⁾

"I'm sort of seeing someone," said Madeleine. She glanced briefly at Peter, and quickly looked away. Then an evil grin blossomed on her face. "Maybe you could set Sirius up with Maggie, here."

"Who?!?!?!!!?" said Marvola, looking around. Her eyes briefly lit on Maggie. "O....... whatev................" She quickly turned back to Madeleine. "U R seeing sum1?!?!?!? If hez not az HAWT as Siri, u shud totally dump hiz ass!!!111!1!!!"

Madeleine was quickly losing patience. "Have you ever thought that maybe there's more to consider than just whether or not someone is hot?" she asked tartly.

"LOLz shur!!!!!1!!" Marvola laughed. "They coud b, lyke, in a band or sumthing!!1!!!!1! OMFG!!1!!!!" She turned back to the three Marauders she could see. "U 3 shud totallly start a band!!!!!!1!!! U coud call urselvz the Mauderers an LilZ an MadZ an me coud b, lyke, the Mauderettes1!!!!!!151!! That wood b TEH ROXXXOR!!!11!!1!!!!!!!!!!"

"ToTaLlLy!!11!!!!!" said Lily and Madeleine in unison.

Maggie looked at her friend and noted that her eyes seemed to have slipped out of focus. I guess we know how long the shield charm lasts now, she thought before leaping to her feet.

"We have to go," she said, smiling as politely as she could manage, and grabbing Madeleine's arm. "We'll see you guys later." She looked regretfully at Remus for a moment, before turning away.

Maggie manhandled Madeleine back up towards the castle. When they were about twenty feet from the Gryffindors, Madeleine stopped struggling and slumped against her.

"Are you all right?" asked Maggie.

"I think so," replied the other girl. "How long did it work? Were you paying attention?"

Maggie nodded. "About five minutes, I think."

Madeleine pursed her lips. "That's not going to be nearly long enough," she decided. "And I bet if you use the shield charm all the time, you start becoming resistant to it, just like anything else."

"Too bad exposure to her doesn't seem to have the same effect," Maggie said bitterly. "Do you think they've had sex yet?"

"I don't know," Madeleine replied impatiently. "Probably. She doesn't look like the sort who could keep her kit on for five minutes, if she was alone with someone she fancied."⁽⁹⁾

When she caught sight of her friend's crestfallen expression, though, she relented. "Don't worry about it," she told the young Ravenclaw. "It's not like he can only do it once. Once we get rid of her, you'll still have a chance."

"As much chance as I ever did, which is none." Maggie sighed. "Oh, well. Back to the library."

Madeleine set down the book she had been reading with a thud and an exasperated sigh. "None of this stuff is any bloody use!" she declared. "You know what we need? They sell these protection amulets in Knockturn Alley. I think they're made out of human --"

"You've actually been there?!" Maggie looked horrified. "But that place is really dodgy. I heard that all they sell is stuff for doing Dark magic."

Madeleine rolled her eyes. "Stories!" she said in disgust. "They sell all kinds of useful stuff. Like protection amulets. You could give one to Remus," she suggested.

Maggie looked tempted. "Maybe," she said. "If we can't find anything else that works."

"We haven't yet," replied Madeleine. "We've been at this all afternoon, and what do we know?"

"More than when we started," Maggie said defensively.

Madeleine rolled her eyes again. "None of it any bloody use."

"Well, let's go over it again, anyway," Maggie suggested. "Maybe it will help us think of something."

Madeleine picked up their notes and began to read. "We know that veela have a powerful magical influence over the opposite sex, often causing them to act in ways they never would, normally."

Maggie nodded. "And then there was that bit about the elves. What kind of elf did we decide she was again?"

"Tolkienian," Madeleine said. "They're supposed to be really good-looking, and live a really long time, as well as being attuned to the earth." She sighed. "The veela part could maybe explain her powers, but the book didn't say anything about their 'influence' making people talk funny."

"Maybe it's like potions," Maggie suggested. "Two ingredients might be harmless on their own, but volatile when combined." She jumped up and ducked around the shelves.

Madeleine could hear her voice, slightly muffled, saying, "I thought I saw it over here the other day --"

At last she reappeared, slightly dusty but triumphant, with a large tome clasped to her chest. She dropped it in front of Madeleine with a thud.

"Mixed Blood: A Guide to Magical Crossbreeds," Madeleine read off the spine. Raising her eyebrows, she opened the book and quickly found the "beings" sections.

"I think they're listed alphabetically," Maggie said. "Veela would be near the end."

The section on veela was long, and the print was very small. The book methodically listed the appearance and magical traits of every kind of being when crossed with a veela.

"Oh, here we go!" cried Madeleine. "'When crossed with the Tolkienian elf, the veela's powers are enhanced, creating a powerful glamour field, and even the normally diluting influence of human blood cannot change this outcome. The veela-elf crossbreed is therefore considered to be highly dangerous to humans, Muggle and Wizard alike. The influence of such a creature can cause aberrations in behaviour patterns, including modes of speech. Such beings should be avoided at all cost, since there is no known protection against them. As with any combination of human, veela, elf, or vampire blood, these crossbreeds are classified as "seaux".'"

"So total isolation is the only solution?" said Maggie despairingly. "How are we going to manage that?"

"We can't." Madeleine's smile sent a shiver up Maggie's spine. "It's self-defence. We have to kill her."

1. Brainstorming is a really good way to come up with ideas and make connections between them, and not only for fanfiction, as Madeleine points out. Brainstorming with a writing buddy can be a lot of fun, and often spawns additional plot bunnies. Carrying a small notebook with you to jot down ideas as they occur to you can be helpful as well.

2. In some circles, FanFiction.net is referred to as "the Pit of Voles" because of the huge amount of badfic posted there.

3. Revealing facts about a character's background, personality, and appearance is called "exposition", and there are good and bad ways of doing it. Good exposition tends to involve mentioning these things when they become relevant to the story, or finding a way bring them up naturally in the dialogue. These facts should not be presented in a lump the first time we see the character, just as you do not learn everything about someone the first time you meet them.

4. Elves are different in the Potterverse than in Middle Earth. If you say your character is "part elf", your reader is going to have a good giggle over an imagined resemblance to Dobby, when maybe you had something more like Orlando Bloom in mind.

5. Making characters act in a way they do not act in the books is referred to as "out of character" (OOC). We all love the Potterverse characters for a reason, so it's a good idea to at least try to have them think and act similarly to the way they do in the books.

6. J. K. Rowling writes her spells in a sort of pseudo-Latin, and it can be a good idea to keep this in mind when writing your own, unless there is a good plot reason for doing otherwise. Chances are, you don't know much Latin, but you can get a good idea of how it ought to sound by looking at the spells in the books. There may already be a spell for what you want to do, so be sure to check the Harry Potter Lexicon first.

7. As almost anyone over the age of eighteen will be able to tell you, being physically attractive is not a great basis for a relationship. Nor does hatred tend to turn into hot sex, followed by true love, in real life. Writing steamy sex between two characters can take a small amount of skill, but writing a believable love story is harder than you might think. "Happily ever after" is a myth perpetuated by Disney. Happy endings are rare, and true love takes hard work and compromise, even after the hot, steamy sex.

8. Contrary to popular belief, not every character in a story needs to be paired off.

9. It has come to my attention recently that people are using the word "slut" these days as if it were a good thing. It's not. Sexual liberation is one thing, but sleeping with strangers is never advisable. It's not admirable behaviour and it's not entertaining to outsiders in real life or in fanfiction. In fact, in real life it can be incredibly damaging, both physically and emotionally.

M.A.R.Y.S.U.E. Must Die! © 2007 Skjaere